The work in Honduras was some of the most physically demanding work I’ve done in a long time. Most days ‘tired and weak’ are too simple of words to describe how I felt. What I didn’t expect was how the Lord would use that weakness to propel me into a dependency on Him. Day after day we would carry wood for miles (fun note: the wood was from trees that naturally fell in the forest that they cut into long planks and were used to build a church). Day after day we would walk and day after day I would take that time to walk with the Lord, pray, ask for His guidance, be brought to repentance, and saw the beauty of His creation which brought me to my knees in a renewed submission.
There are many takeaways but three that impacted me greatly:
1. The stripping of physical comfort pushes you into a deeper dependance on the Lord. There’s something about sleeping in a tent for a month that really takes it out of you. I love camping and I LOVE my sleeping pad but it’s the little things like wild pigs ramming into your tent at night, to piles of dirt in your living space right next to your bed, to literally having nothing that could even be considered ‘clean’ that hit different. Add the exhaustion from physical labor, 35+ miles through the mountains for house visits, wood carrying, and farm work… then mix in 30 other people all up in your personal space. For this introvert the all squad month was so much fun but absolutely draining. I mean I lived by myself the year leading up to the race and became very accustomed to personal space. With everything listed, it’s easy to say “Yeah, you’re crazy” / “How or why would you even want to do that?” – believe me, those thoughts hit me too sometimes. It brings to mind Luke 9:23-24. I’m reminded that when I committed to this I committed to dying to myself. And I learned from this stripping away of physical comforts that it was the perfect soil for the Lord to grow in me a deeper dependence on Him. All the things I would normally turn to became luxuries and the farthest from something I could depend on. The result was a renewed, raw, real relationship with Jesus. I started crying out to the Lord in ways that I just simply didn’t have to in the past. I recalled Paul’s words in Philippians – “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” These aren’t just words from the scriptures that we say we agree with but have no real experience with it. This is real, I know it was for me, this opened a door, and He used it as a starting point. It only gets deeper and deeper.
2. The Lord is faithful and full of promises. This is another one that you hear in the Bible and we say we believe but do we actually know the depth of this?! While in Honduras the Lord kept showing me rainbows, which symbolize His promises. In Genesis the Lord tells Noah, “I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you…”. In seeing rainbow after rainbow I was reminded that He remembers. He has never forgotten or forsaken me and He has so much in store. Our whole squad went on a waterfall hike one day – I was feeling blah, tired and wasn’t sure that I even wanted to go but then at the last second I joined. To say it was incredible would be an understatement. Literally EVERYWHERE we walked I saw rainbows and it hit me there. My testimony is marked by deep pains and trauma that I have turned over to the Lord and given Him glory and praise for the redemption in my life – but I had this fractured idea that, that was the only part that mattered, and yes, we are to glorify Him with every part of us, in everything but what I failed to acknowledge was that He saw those pains, He knows my current pains, He knows that I have been faithful and devoted, and He is faithful too. He has been preparing and fulfilling so many promises in this season and so much is hitting my heart different these days – Promises like God NEVER fails(Joshua 21:45); God is ALWAYS with me (Joshua 1:9); God has ALWAYS had a plan for my life and one that is abundant (Jeremiah 29:11 & John 10:10). There are so many other things that He has highlighted from His Word and my heart is just overcome by truth. His Word is true. His Word is living. He is speaking. And He is good. “The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:24
3. Sunrise and sunsets over the mountains and valleys are new and beautiful each day and so are His mercies & grace. Each day I would look out over the mountains and I would just be in awe of the work of the Lord. Each day brought new colors and new beauty that could not be duplicated. On one of those exhausting walks to get wood I was at the end of my strength and I heard the Lord whisper “wait on me”. Again, yet another thing you hear in the Bible and aren’t really sure what that means. It wasn’t until that very moment that Lamentations 3:22-25 met me in a real way, specifically verse 25 – “The Lord is good to those who wait on him, to the soul who seeks him.” – It took the ripping away of worldly comforts, and the constant reminders of His promises and faithfulness, and the emptying of my own strength to hit home that He has always been there, meeting me with His steadfast love and His mercies each morning and He has just been waiting on me to wait on Him. My whole life I have been fixing my own portion but He showed me on those hills that He is my portion, He is what I can truly hope in, great is He and His faithfulness, and all I need to do is surrender and just seek Him and through His mercy and grace there is freedom.
This has been long, longer than they suggest for a normal blog post (haha), so I am sorry, and I hope you have stuck it out, thank you! A special note to my supporters, I hope you know that I am forever grateful for you. This mission trip is so much more than just an 11 month mission trip. My purpose and the Lord’s will for my entire life is unfolding before my eyes and I don’t think I would have settled in my soul enough to listen like I am now if it weren’t for such a time as this. Thank you from the depths of my heart.
Wow-again.. that was all amazing to read.. it was not too long at all..it was so well written and I loved the details..that was not easy carrying that wood for the long distances..God is surely teaching you dependence on Him..l’m thinking of that song”the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases—His mercies NEVER come to an end..”
Thank-you so much for sharing..
??karen
I love everything in this blog (photos included), but this especially spoke to my heart today: “Sunrises and sunsets over the mountains are new and beautiful each day, and so are His mercies and grace.” Thank you for sharing such beautiful Kingdoms truths—and also for your desire to live out those truths each day. I love you and can’t wait to see you soon!!
I’m so inspired by your blog! When we pray for the renewal of our minds and that our hearts of stone be replaced by a heart of flesh, this is exactly what it looks like. Our Heavenly Father is AWESOME and AMAZING! He allows us to experience exactly what is needed to die to ‘self’ …. John 12:24 “ I tell you for certain that a grain of wheat that falls on the ground will never be more than one grain unless it dies. But if it dies, it will produce lots of wheat.” I praise God for you and for your experience. Be of good cheer, my beautiful little sister!